It deals with cognitive dissonance, confirmation bias and other cognitive biases, using these psychological theories to illustrate how the perpetrators (and victims) of hurtful acts justify and rationalize their behavior. The guidelines recognize that most children will readily disclose actual abuse, and some need prodding; the guidelines also caution against the use of techniques known to produce false reports. Fortunately, we have the “Key Lessons” section for that. The reason Big Pharma spends so much on small gifts is well known to marketers, lobbyists, and social psychologists: Being given a gift evokes an implicit desire to reciprocate. That explanation, in turn, sets them on a path down the pyramid. I will be using this book for this semester. If your childhood was traumatic, there’s a serious chance that your brain has invented your childhood and you don’t even know it. In contrast, most Asians regard math success, like achievement in any other domain, as a matter of persistence and plain hard work. Observation and intuition, without independent verification, are unreliable guides. Keep reading with Blinkist Start your free Blinkist trial to get unlimited access to key ideas from Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) and over 4,500 other nonfiction titles. More than half a century ago, a young social psychologist named Leon Festinger and two associates infiltrated a group of people who believed the world would end on December 21, 1954.2 They wanted to know what would happen to the group when (they hoped!) If we really want more people to take responsibility for their mistakes and then strive to correct them, we need to overcome these two impediments. When things are going well, people feel pretty tolerant of other cultures and religionsâthey even feel pretty tolerant of the other sex!âbut when they are angry, anxious, or threatened, the default position is to activate their blind spots. Boston, MA: Mariner Books. That is why we think that self-justification is the prime suspect in the murder of a marriage. It soon turned out that this Laura was, in fact, Lauren Stratford. Virtually the first act of the new democracy was the establishment of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, chaired by Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Therefore, says Pratkanis, before a victim of a scam will inch back from the precipice, he or she needs to feel respected and supported. The takeaway: we must learn to spot our own self-justification, and stop it when required, to prevent further action based upon false self-justification. Quotes from Mistakes Were Made I will look at any additional evidence to confirm the opinion to which I have already come. They will cling to outdated and sometimes harmful procedures in their work. They think that mistakes mean you are stupid. However, historians soon found out that there were serious holes in his story, and Wilkomirski was exposed as a fraud. The commission emphasized the need for understanding but not for vengeance, a need for reparation but not for retaliation, a need for ubuntu [humanity toward others] but not for victimization. 3. So, even in the best-case scenario, you’re probably remembering your childhood wrongly. History is written by the victors, but it's victims who write the memoirs. The goal is to become aware of the two dissonant cognitions that are causing distress and find a way to resolve them constructively, or, when we can't, learn to live with them. Because most of us are not self-correcting and because our blind spots keep us from knowing that we need to be, external procedures must be in place to correct the errors that human beings will inevitably make and to reduce the chances of future ones. Can I live with them? $15.95. Detailed notes, summary, and learnings from Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me) by Carol Tavris & Elliot Aronson. Everyone does it. Successful couples have five times as many positive interactions to negative ones. The book uses anecdotal, historical, and scientific evidence to explain why keeping mistakes quietly is always endlessly worse than admitting those mistakes--both to the public and to ourselves. We want to start, though, with a more common problem: the many situations in which it isn't clear who is to blame, who started this, or even when this started. 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